Privacy

Boy this is a hard topic for me. I think what makes it difficult is that Doreen and I come to it from different angles and life experiences. I am much more of a private person than my wife is... to her life should be an open book. Unfortunately I was not brought up that way. In my first marriage my former wife and I did have things which were open but things which were private as well. For example, my ex and I had an account for which we tried to pay the household expenses and had our own accounts for things like our car payments, our cash for the week etc. I did not go looking into her accounts and she did the same for me. And I am not saying that is perfect either since I am pretty sure my first wife cheated on me. It is hard for someone who is so consistent as myself (a high 's' personality) to change. For that I am truly sorry honey. We were much more private in our dealings. Some of that is unhealthy I know... feelings at times were kept in which was not good.

I know it makes it hard on Doreen because she thinks I am trying to leave a double life... maybe have an affair outside of our marriage or something like that. (Honey if I am wrong about this, I apologize - I am just making an assumption on my part). I am sorry about that Doreen, it is just hard after 40 years to change the way I know what I have been doing for all that time.

I had opened a Twitter account just as a quick place to put feelings that I needed to get out of me but wanted private. I know that hurt Doreen because she thinks I am hiding stuff and it really is not that. I just needed a place so I could quickly jot down how I was feeling at a certain time... kind of a therapy if you know what I mean. I guess you could say it was kind of a virtual journal or diary. Twitter was probably in hindsight not the best place to do this.

While driving to pick up my daughter I realized how insensitive it was of me to do what I did. I was just trying to get out how I was feeling at times without hurting my wife which in the end is exactly what I did. For that I am truly sorry honey.

I am not trying to get an affair, live a double life or even be an asshole. I know it is hard for you to understand that and I wish there was a way that I could make you understand that. I don't think I can because I will never be able to make the words right without hurting you. And that is just because we come from different perspectives and life experiences. But I do want to apologize for being so insensitive.