Disappointment

Recently my wonderful wife had to have her gall bladder removed.    It has been a very stressful time for me... much more than I had anticipated.   My first wife went through the same procedure only two months after my daughter was born.   So I figured I knew what to expect and did not think this would hit me so hard.    I was so worried about losing about the only good thing I have in my life right now. 

I think what I have realized more is how much of a disappointment I am to Doreen.   I have been out of work now for about two months and while I have a job I am very interested in, it is not a sure thing.   There are some things from marriage number one which still are affecting me now and that is tough.   I let my first wife do some things which have killed my credit.   I am so angry at myself for allowing that to happen mainly because I thought it would keep myself and my first wife married.   Well, it didn't and we were divorced in 2006.  

But there are other things which have made me realize how much of a disappointment I am.   Like yesterday I was hanging her purse in the hall closet and somehow while doing that three coat hangers fell off the rack.    Then when I tried to put her cell phone on the charger, the charger became unplugged.   When I looked at my wife I could see her displeasure in me.   I know I am clumsy...  I was coded as having fine motor coordination problems while in elementary school.   It is not like I am trying to fumble around... sometime it just happens. 

I am sorry Doreen that I am a disappointment to you and can only try to do better...   I just want you to know I love you and I am sorry.